twixia =)

here’s a picture of my doodle

i never really thought of doodle-ing again after some time. i just can’t find any other thing to do last night (i didn’t want to study also since i was too tired), so i decided i’d write my thoughts on paper.

some of the things written here pertain to just one person. but while writing these,  there are actually lots of people on my mind. (there’s no need for me to mention their names because it does not matter anymore, anyway).

well i guess these are what’s going on in my mind, and heart after all. i think of this person, and then i write my thoughts about him/her, how i feel towards that person. the word at the center (NUMB), pertains to ME. that’s the very first word i wrote here. i feel numb, that’s all. i can’t feel anything at the moment.

“it’s bothering” line means i’m constantly thinking about a certain thing that i can’t get off my mind. “i won’t be back” is MY reply to the line, ‘i know that you’ll be back, girl‘ in the song Always be my Baby by David Cook. and the rest, try guessing whom they pertain to and why i wrote them.

if you read every single thought, you’d find out most of them are sad. it actually is the opposite of how it appears - very colorful and happy. if you ask me, i don’t like this doodle either. i don’t like the fact that i am SAD and LONELY deep inside after all.

there’s a line a there that says “there’s no space in my heart” and “do you need keys for my heart?” which don’t match at all. one is a sarcasm, by the way.

i’ll stop here. i can’t say more. i just wana say what i want to say.

so, last night was my friend’s (si Lizet) debut party at Filinvest Homes. dun kami sa clubhouse. the venue was an open space at malapit sa playground. (though we didn’t play. malamang eh sa outfit pa lang namin at high heels di na kami makakapaglaro dun. haha) yung motiff ng party is purple and gold the debutant was really pretty :)) she really bloomed and i can say that she has really turned into a lady (kahit monday pa sya officially 18). the food was good thanks dun sa caterer ni tita. hehe. then, yung 18 roses and 18 candles, which is the most touching part for me. ang cute din nung dance number nila jj, yung swing. pati yung presentation mismo nung debutant.

i really enjoyed the night dahil nagdisco kami. haha. also, sinayaw ako nung dance instructor friend ni tita. boogie sinayaw namin. he said i was a good dancer daw. flattering hehe. enjoy na man kasi talaga yung dance. hehe.

so, it was a very tiring night. but over-all, the party was a success everything went well and i guess nag-enjoy na man lahat, even the kids.

but honestly, throughout the program, something inside me feels really bad. i got a bit jealous and i felt pity for myself. it’s because i’m already sure that i’m not having this kind of party. i won’t have a debut party when i turn 18. though i’ve already accepted that fact i still can’t help but feel sad. also, my family will be far from me when i celebrate the day when i turn into a lady i’m gonna be alone since gagraduate na si ate.

but i’m sure my friends will be there for me kahit walang party, ok lang. although better kung meron. haha. i actually dreamt of my debut several times but i guess i just have to remove the thought and prepare myself for another ordinary birthday celebration.

Here I am, trying to make a reflection paper in geog. But guess what?  I’m writing something for my blog. My hands can’t wait, it has to be published J

So I had this hell week, just recently. I was busy doing work for my group, region 12. This is for our “Suroy-Suroy, Lalo lalo rar and Vochong”, a one-day fieldtrip in Paete, Laguna. Since I was the “tomaron”, leader, I had to make sure everything is ready before the trip. We met twice that week, then planned everything for the activity. Good thing my groupmates were very cooperative. We crammed our cheer and the animistic prayer – which means we did on the same day as the fieldtrip, right before the program. Haha. It was really fun, since my groupmates were bibo

 I can’t tell you our exact cheer, but I’m sure I won’t forget it. It will just be kept here in my mind, and hopefully it won’t fade. basta, I had to do a cartwheel. Haha. Our prayer was also “fun”. Haha. Crammed din. Nandaya pa kami. They used our malongs to hide the copy of the prayer in bisaya. Oh, by the way. Sa Tatlong Krus naming ginawa activity Jang ganda dun, sobra J kaya lang sobrang init, tsk. Mahangin din na man, so ok lang. exciting din ang games. J cool lahat. Hehe. Pinakain pa ng sili group mate ko. Tsk. But somehow, she survived. J

Names pala ng groupmates ko – Ralph, Hannah, May Anne, Russel and Gellie. Ako lang first year sa amin. Tsk tsk. Si Hannah yung super nakabonding ko. Ewan ko ba, close na kami. Haha

After Paete, they fetched me. Tapos pumunta kami ng Longos. Hehe. Dun ulit kina Cedez. J natulog ako dun. As in, natulog lang ako most of the time. Haha. Pero nung Sunday, pumunta kami Caliraya. It’s an artificial lake, actually. Dami food! Tapos nagjetski kami. Si tito Jun nagdrive J ang saya, sobra J basang-basa ako after. Para akong naligo ulit. Haha. Nagworry si Lorraine dahil basa raw ako. Grabe, parang nanay ko. Hehe. Pag dating sa bahay, tulog ulit. Haha. Then uwi early the next morning for the Subic fieldtrip na man.

Late kami ni Ced so naiwan na kami ng bus. Haha. Sumunod na lang kmai. Grabeng adventure namin. We rode a bus from Cubao to Olongapo. 3 hours yung trip. Natulog na naman kami sa bus. Haha. Ang ganda sa Olongapo, ang daming pogi J sobra! Hehe. Ayun. Pumunta na kami Subic. Sa Zoobic J hehe. Late kami, so, sa ibang group kami sumabay. Naglibot kami sa zoo, tumitingin lng sa hayop. Tapos pumunta serpentarium. After that, break. Nag-CR kami ni Ced, tapos pag labas namin, naiwan na naman kami. Haha. Hinatid kami sakay ng motor. Then nagclose encounter with the tigers. Yung isang tiger tumalon sa taas ng jeep name. eww. Tumalsik yung putik sa paa ng tiger. Tsk. Basta, ayun. Hehe. Tapos pumunta museum, aeta’s trail at crocs farm. Cool nga J

Nung pauwi, tulog ulit. Haha. Kapagod byahe. Sobrang bangag ako nun. Grabe. Haggard na masyado. Tsk. Wala pa akong boses nun. Anyway, nirefund ni Sir yung gastos namin. Kakahiya. Sobrang pasaway namin, haha. Oh, btw, dumaan kami sa may dagat. Pinakain nila yung fishes. Ang cute nila, very colorful J malinis pa yung dagat. J dumaan din kami sa dutyfree. Bought food for dinner.

May remembrance din akong nakuha – sugat. Sugat sa finger plus galos sa legs. Tsk. Oh well, worth it na man J muntik pa kami maligaw. At yung tigers, may tendency umihi bigla. Haha. Super laki nila. Kakatakot pero cute J pag dating dorm, saw my loved ones. Lalo akong nagging happy J then I had to rest na kasi pagod talaga.

Ayun. Im not going into more details. Dagdagan na lang next time J

PS. Kumain kami ni ced ng burger at hotdog sa DOUBLE HAPPINESS. Haha. Love you Ced!

“All the universe will conspire to help you achieve your dream :)”
This is a quote I got from reading Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist. Somehow, it inspired me. It’s just like another way of saying, “Everything happens for a reason”. And, right now, I realize that I’m here in UP (more appropriate to say, I think, here in Kalai) because I was meant to meet the people who I will love with all my heart, as if I’ve known them for a long time.

It’s been quite a while since I last blogged. And it seems ironic because my research paper is on blogging. I’ve been really longing to tell you about my friends and family here in the dorm.

Let me enumerate them first: cedez, ye, linus, tami, polo and paolo

These people have been with me “since birth”. What I mean to say is that, it’s like I’ve been reborn. A new “Trixia” was created. Weird it may seem, but I really think I’m different around these people - vulnerable, weak, emotional, but at the same time happy, contented, satisfied, and blessed

They’ve been my refuge and strength whenever I felt down and if I have problems. They make me laugh, cry, worry and smile. We’ve been through thick and thin. We always take care of each other and never fail to say how much we love each other

Because of them, I have learned to be patient, understanding and open-minded. I felt pain – I easily get hurt and affected when they are the ones involved. I don’t like it that way. There’s so much affection in me that I would protect them, and I would be wiling to sacrifice for them.

I have never been like this before – I’m better now, and because of this, I’m happy. Now I know that I could love that much.

But this doesn’t mean I’m forgetting my friends from GenSan. Of course not! I love them too. And they are the ones who first helped me to mature. But now, I’m proud to say that I would love you guys more. These people here in the dorm have taught me a lot of new things, things to share to you

At the end of the day, I don’t have to choose between you – I can have you both that might seem selfish, but I don’t care. All I know is that I can’t live without either of you. 

*to my Gensan friends, now i would love you even more. and you’ll see that i’m a better person

it makes me feel sad reading these blogs my friends wrote.. i’m really happy today with all the events of my day - meeting robi, and taking a pic with him, having fun and laughing with friends, being treated to starbucks, riding the LRT, and a lot more.. but upon reading these blogs, i can’t help but be affected.. ok, guilty, i maybe.. i don’t know.. i really can’t tell my feelings right now.. i’m confused, very confused indeed.. but soon i’ll understand myself.. i have to focus in my studies for now.. and when i’m supposed to be reading an article for one of my subjects, here i am, writing this blog that really doesn’t matter.. i don’t know if there’s someone who’s gonna be interested enough to read this.. but anyway, i’ll post it.. it’s the feeling that makes you go…

crazy..

i just felt like blogging today. may naisip lang kasi ako while i was taking a shower. i thought,

“if i were to die today, i would be ok. i think i have lived my life to the fullest na man.” pero nagstrike lang yan sa akin ha.. di ko naman sinasabing mamamatay na ako.. pero i just want to thank my family and all my friends for making my life worth living!
17 years, grabe.. maikli pa lang yun.. pero feeling ko ang tagal ko nang andito sa mundo.. im just so happy i existed here.. God is really great coz He gave me this very wonderful experience of living.. i must say di pa kumpleto experience ko coz i haven’t worked yet.. i have not yet even tried to have a family of my own.. (and im not yet planning.. ) pero when i was thinking, i felt like im really ready.. i have learned a lot of things in life na.. from experiences, from socializing with people, from reading, from my friends and family, from my teachers, inside the class.. sa mga floormates ko sa dorm, im having a lot of fun in my stay here sa kalai dahil sa inyo.. di ko iniexpect na magiging ganito tayo ka-close in just five months.. sa aking roommate na si jane, salamat sa lahat.. sa pag-open up mo tsaka sa pakikinig sa akin.. sa parents ko, thank you so much for the good genes salamat dahil pinalaki niyo akong ganito - may faith kay God at marunong sa buhay.. somehow, dahil sa lahat ng mga taong mahal ko, im still surviving.. wala lang, i just felt like saying these things..

i have learned to live, to laugh, to cry, to love, to trust, to be kind and patient, to be happy and to be sad, to listen and to share.. and i know, i’m gonna learn more..

17, dancing queen.. hehe. i attempted to wake up at 5 am to go to church.. but since i slept at around 1 already, i just decided to go back to sleep and instead attend the 12 noon mass.. when i woke up, i saw something pink lying on my desk.. it was a cartolina.. written on a paper around it was a message, ‘to trix. haPpy bday!’ i was really touched.. inside it were my floormates’ messages..

and of course, messages on my phone were flooding- coming from friends, dormmates, classmates and family.. then, in my every class (pe, math, philo and es), my classmates greeted me.. i was really happy..

but you know what i was really hoping for? my high school buds to greet me.. that’s my only birthday wish.. i guess it’s not gonna happen.. but it’s alright.. although it made me cry..

i just tried to look at the bright side of things..:)

when i got back to the dorm, my friends called me.. and i also surfed the net.. i never thought something was coming.. our corridor rep insisted that we have dinner together.. not because it was my birthday (she kept on insisting no one had a birthday today), its just that she wanted me to accompany her (part of their plan).. so we went down, passing by the council office where tami greeted me.. then passed through the tv area, where she let me stay for a while.. then kuya mike gave me a rose.. then some more guys started approaching me, each of them giving me a rose and greeting me a happy birthday.. upon reaching the area between GA and BA, Rai, our cor rep, blindfolded me.. in the mess hall, they (third floor girls) started singing a happy birthday song.. then more roses were given to me, completing the 17 roses for my 17th birthday..;) it was a very sweet thing.. i never experienced something like this before.. they gave me a cake, actually there were two, from red ribbon.. i was really glad and overwhelmed.. =) and guess what their birthday gift is? an umbrella!! [they noticed my umbrella was already torn. haha.] *by the way, additional info, my corridor mates never greeted me until dinner tonight.. again, part of the plan. haha.. anyway, i’m really thankful for these people i just met here in the dorm.. maybe it’s God’s will for me to be their friend.. thanks a lot guys!! i love you! go third floor!! :p

It’s been too long since I’ve really taken time to open my Friendster account or even reply to my friends’ messages. Well, I need to do some explanation, right?? I know my friends understand that I’ve been busy. But I will tell you everything that happened to my ‘crazy’ August. =)

On the first week of August, we’ve been so occupied because we had a reporting in Kasaysayan 1 that will be presented on August 8 (my dad’s birthday). We had to shoot some scenes in the lagoon for our introduction. We had so much to do, yet so little time. Anyway, we were able to finish it (thanks to Eldrin, our very persistent leader). The moment finally came when we presented report to the class. We were all so nervous yet prepared. We were the first group to report and so we did not really know what our professor wanted to see or hear. But after an hour (with an extension of about ten minutes), we were finally given a round of applause. And we were even complimented by our professor. (Great job groupmates!-Eldrin, Nina, Joyce, Justine, Diana and Ate Coleen)

Also, during the first week was my midterm exam for Philosophy 1. We also had our second long exam in Math 17. Then there’s this egg-drop challenge in Engineering Science 10. I was not able to sleep just because I had to finish making the capsule - the “vehicle” of the egg. I was really so “sabog” yet I had full attention to my classes. I guess lack of sleep just gets me so “high” I barely lose my energy.

The second week was a lot better although I still failed to have eight hours of sleep every night. This week, we have our midterm exam in ES 10. The slides were to be emailed but unfortunately, I only received it Monday afternoon, the day before the said exam. And another problem aroused – I had no laptop to use so I can not study the slides nor can I print it. huhu. What a life! Anyway, God was so good. I had it burned in a CD and I borrowed a friend’s laptop. All night I tried to absorb everything I see on the screen. After about 3 hours, I gave in and slept. (Just an advice: it’s always better that you have enough sleep before taking an exam because you’ll really need to focus. If you’re tired and sleepy while taking the exam, the tendency is you’ll fail it.) And there’s this midterm exam in Math 17 – in which I got a flat 1 =). I also had to do some errand for my aunt. But after all these things and hard work, we also had some fun. On Wednesday, we were able to watch Pamantasang Hirang: a reenactment of UP through a hundred years. Some famous actors and actresses were starring there. During the weekend, I made sure I had some rest and treat myself to some “laag”. We went to SM North to shop groceries.

Third week of August – I did not have so much to do. And this week was even filled with a lot of fun!! =) I read the fourth book of twilight saga – Breaking Dawn. It was the last book and I enjoyed it a lot but it was so ‘bitin’. Tuesday of this week, I had a lunch date with Ate Lorie and some of my life group friends. We watched the I-witness docufest in the Film Institute on Tuesday and Musical Thursday here in Kalai, our dorm. Friday night, I went to my block mate’s house. We were going to have an acquaintance party there. I had a lot of enjoyment and my stomach was so overwhelmed with the food. Haha! I had not really eaten that much since I stayed in a dormitory. There were two boxes of huuuuge pizza, fried chicken, ice cream and junk food. We also played a game and then finished the night with chatting and getting-to-know conversations. And then Sunday, we practiced for our applicants’ night.

Finally, the last week of August! This is the History week, so we had no classes in Kas 1. But we were required to watch a film and write a reaction paper about it. We also had to attend a conference. Monday, we had our applicants’ night for UP SOCCSKSARGEN (they’ll kill me if I misspelled this! Haha). It was really fun and exciting. Again, lots of food. Hehe. They said our performance was great. (We actually prepared for it during the afternoon, for just about three hours). And then, Friday we attended the youth service. Right after the youth service, we went to the Bahay ng Alumni to get some freebies in the MYXX concert. That night also, we had our team-building and planning as house council in the dorm. We stayed up all night, from around 8 pm to 6 am in the morning the next day. We even had breakfast together and were the first persons in the mess hall. I only got a chance to sleep from around 8 am to 11 am. Then I had to go and buy lechon manok for the 3 pm-meeting. This meeting was a bit lighter and only lasted for two hours. But after the meeting we had an activity in which we were blindfolded. It was tough because we were blind for an hour or so. I really did not have track of the time. We were told to do jumping jacks and peel a coconut without hurting one another. Well, we survived and we learned a lot of lessons. After this activity, we ate again, chatted, discussed and even laughed. We had total bonding! 

Well, I guess that’s all. August has been the craziest month so far! I’m really looking forward to September. September will also be a hectic month I know because of the Musical Monday our corridor is supposed to present. And also because of the Dancing in September for our PE class. But what I’m really excited about is my birthday!! =) Yey! I’m turning 17 already. I hope I still look young! Haha. This blog ends here, ciao! =)

My second long exam in Math

                Today, we had our second long exam in Math. Most of those who know me might expect that I did well. But, personally, I think I had been so careless. The exam was easy compared to other sections’. It was just that I was dumbfounded. I didn’t know what to do. Some of the questions were mind- boggling. And there was this one question that I thought had a complicated solution. And I just realized later that it was just easy.  Now my paper got all so messy because I had to erase the long solution that I wrote, that was from the beginning all wrong! And, I wasted my time for that simple question. What’s happening to me? Haha. I was just amazed that I failed to realize how simple the solution was – the midpoint formula! Haha. I even thought that it was somehow related to the problem that my best friend asked me to solve last night. But unfortunately, it wasn’t. Well, it’s ok. At least I still had a chance to change my answer.

Hmm… there’s another problem that got me so confused. It was finding the domain of a composite function. (Maybe you’re thinking I’m talking geek, but this is reality! Haha) well, I already found the answer but my solution just didn’t match. I rechecked my solution several times only to be disappointed that I couldn’t find the error! Almost fainting from lack of sleep, I had no choice but to pass my paper. And so I walked alone, back to the dorm, still thinking of what might go wrong in my answers. Upon arriving, I asked Chin the question and we solved it together. And now, I realized my mistake. Haha. It was just carelessness (again!) in subtracting. Haha. But it’s ok. I hope my professor would consider the rest of my answers. Haha.

Well, I just want to say that maybe I’m overreacting, but to those who know me, I know you’ll understand. Hehe. I know you know how I really want to do my best and get a good grade in the subject that I love the most – Math. =)

Buhay PEYUPS

                This week is such a busy week for me. Today is the second long exam in math. Tomorrow, egg-drop challenge; we will be making the capsule that will protect the egg. On Thursday, midterms exam in Philo. And on Friday, our KAS reporting. Hahay! And last night, I couldn’t sleep. These coming days for sure will be so tiring. And I’m sure that I will have more sleepless nights. How stressed I am right now! Maybe I look so old already. Haha. Well, this is life in UP. You almost always fail to have your meal, have eight hours of sleep and have fun. But these things only happen during the mid-sem or if you’re trying to meet a deadline. We call it cramming. Haha.

                But on the other hand, buhay peyups has its good side to offer. There is this place that I’m learning to love. I’m actually in love with it already. It’s no other than the sunken garden!=) I really like it’s green view – the field and the trees. And you can see the clouds almost meeting the top of the trees. Of course, it’s also windy there – perfect for relaxation. During my vacant time, I walk there and sit under a tree. It’s very enlightening. My mind which seems so preoccupied suddenly feels so satisfied and relaxed. I can’t help but feel so blessed and appreciate the wonderful gift of nature.

                I’m also glad that I already have lots of friends here in a community so strange to me. They make me feel so accepted and it makes me think that I had been here for too long already. They make me smile and treat me like a true friend even though we have just met. And of course, I have my beloved roommate who has been so kind to me that we treat each other much like sisters do. She is so generous. And just like me, she’s also pretty! =p We share a lot of things in common too. Hehe. Jane, her name, is also very nice to be with. She makes me laugh at times and she’s the one who influenced me to read Twilight. Haha.

                Anyway, my subjects are also fine. I think I’m doing great in my studies. Hehe. I feel laxed most of the time because here in UP, we are given so much FREEDOM! Haha. Sometimes I just get so bored that I have nothing to do! Once, Chin asked me after we ate, ‘Ano na gawin natin trix? Magstudy?’ haha. If that’s the case then probably we’ll turn out to be very studious. Haha. But whenever I get my hands on a good book, I can’t stop reading and sometimes I sleep late at night (especially when I was reading the Twilight saga). And sometimes, I borrow my roomie’s ipod and sing along to the beat of my favorite songs. And let me tell you, she’s a Korean-bands-fanatic and so most songs in her ipod are Korean. Honestly, I have learned to love and appreciate Korean songs even if I can’t understand a single word they’re saying. Haha. Speaking of Korean, I have a Korean friend already. Her name is Joan. She’s very nice. And she told me that I looked smart. Haha. She also said that Philippines is a beautiful country! Now that I’m a certified UP student, I can say I’m proud of my native land!

Let me end my blog post with a quote, “it is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.” And another one, “A man is a fraction whose numerator is what he is and whose denominator is what he thinks of himself; the larger the denominator, the smaller the fraction. “=)

i would tell you that this week has been great!=)
freshmen week kc namin. we were treated really well.
sa palma hall parking lot, namigay cla ng freebies!weee!
i also joined the "creamsilk hair dare challenge". haha.
dahil; dun, nakakuha ako ng free siglo lanyard.=)
last friday was the best! the FREE CONCERT!
andun ang imago, sugarfree, sandwich, callalily at 6cyclemind.
gosh! kinikilig pa nga ako until now eh! hahaha.
know why? kc i was in front! i was able to hold the 6cyclemind’s vocalist’s hand. superb! waaah! for real. hehe.
i also have lots of friends na!=) im enjoying my stay here in UP.
well, this is just the beginning of my wonderful journey!